


Don’t Think, It Can Only Hurt the Ballclub

by thesaddestboner



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Detroit Tigers, Gen, Professional Jealousy, Rambly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-29
Updated: 2008-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaddestboner/pseuds/thesaddestboner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Joel really, really hates life on the DL, a whole fucking lot.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don’t Think, It Can Only Hurt the Ballclub

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know all about Burnett's injury history.
> 
> Title stolen shamelessly from _Bull Durham._
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/thesaddestboner) and [tumblr](http://saddestboner.tumblr.com).

Joel really, _really_ hates life on the DL, a whole fucking lot. Joel’s pretty sure there are a million other things he’d rather do, including but not limited to eating glass, rubbing his face in a pile of jalapeño peppers, and drinking his own piss – which he may’ve done already but he isn’t 100% certain on that one. When he’s on the DL, he starts thinking a lot, and when he starts thinking a lot, he starts thinking about stupid things better left unthought of.

There’s also a million things he can’t _do_ when he’s on the DL for his fucking shoulder. His mom calls him up and gives him daily affirmations, and Joel just nods along. He wouldn’t say he doesn’t believe anymore, because he does, but his mom’s prayers aren’t gonna get him back in the bullpen.

The Blue Jays are in town, and Joel is in the dugout for the first time all week, since getting put on the DL for “tearing of scar tissue”. At least that’s all he hopes it is. They said the same thing about Wilson’s elbow, and now his career’s probably over.

They won’t face Halladay this series. The Jays push him back so that he’ll face the Red Sox in their next series. _This_ series isn’t nearly important enough to waste Roy fucking Halladay, especially after he threw 130 pitches in his last start. The Tigers are small fry even to the fucking Blue Jays, apparently.

Joel leans heavily against the railing, pushing sunflower seeds past disinterested lips. Watches teammate after teammate get mowed down by A.J. Burnett and wishes he could be out there in the bullpen. 

Burnett’s a skinny guy, Verlanderish almost, all arms and legs, with stupid flippy blond hair peeking out from under his cap. Joel wonders how on earth skinny guys like Burnett and Verlander can throw mid-nineties fastballs like lightning bolts, with little wear and tear, while a big, strong guy like Joel is as fragile as glass. Doesn’t think it’s fair that Verlander’s escaped major injury so far in his career, while Joel’s spent more time injured than healthy. Doesn’t know enough of Burnett to wish anything on him one way or another. 

Granderson, Polanco and Guillen go down meekly in the first, and Burnett is dealing, improbable mid-nineties fastballs out of a skinny stringbean guy, and Joel can just _tell_ it’s gonna be one of _those kinds of nights_.

**Author's Note:**

> The author of this piece intends no insult, slander, or copyright infringement, and is not profiting from this work. This story is a complete work of fiction and does not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. This is for entertainment purposes only. If you found this story while Googling your name or the names of your friends, hit the back button now.


End file.
